And starring...

Your IMDB profile has a message board on which two people have posted that you're a "terrific actor", and your "time will come". When the only credits to your name are as "Movie Patron #2" and "Hotel Waiter", it's kind of obvious that either you're leaving yourself praise on your own message board, or you and "Movie Patron #1" have a little mutual back scratching thing going on.

East-west

You think the fact that your barber is also moving away is a sign that you're doing the right thing by moving to California. I find it surprising that this is the first person/date/"friend" that has pulled the "I'm moving away and can't see you again" line. Or at least, I find it surprising that you're still believing it.

ring ring

Here's a thought- if you've left a vague voicemail for someone you've met and are trying to schmooze, when they (God forbid) actually call you back, you probably shouldn't have to describe what you look like. That's a sign that you shouldn't be in possession of their phone number in the first place.

Also, you shouldn't lie about your height.

Or ask to call them back on a landline because you're too cheap to use your day minutes.

Or mention the time you took a "client to small claims court".

Another bad sign? If someone can live blog one of your overheard phone calls.